I must warn you this entry from my journal is pretty raw, but it is real. There are always the “right” things to say, but this is my heart and I’ll share it with you…
I try to fight the anger. The outrageous fury that screams within me! Why did you let this happen, God? WHY?
I want to hate God, but I cannot. He is inexplicably woven into the very fibers of my being. He is so apart of me, I have no life without him.
So though with grief I try to reject Him, my soul cries out for Him alone. He alone can restore peace and hope. He is my comforter and my strength. Even when comfort and strength seem unattainable. Though questions, fear, even doubt pull me away-my heart is compelled to return to the One who loves me. Within Him is my only rest.
So, instead, I hate myself. What did I do wrong??? Why is this happening to me?? Why are you silent, Lord? Where are my answers? If you love me…why??