Heart of Esther

"And who knows but that you have come to this position for such a time as this?" –Esther 4:14

PANIC November 16, 2011

Lately, I’ve been having panic attacks.  If you’ve ever had one, you know they are extremely scary!  They said it was because of the trauma of losing our baby and the trauma of hemorrhaging (I brushed death).    My heart will begin pounding and racing and nothing I do slows it down.  I feel I cannot breathe and I begin to pass out.  That’s what happened at the hospital shortly after I gave birth to Andrew and it scares me every time.  Fortunately, there are ways to handle these attacks without medicine.

First of all, realize you may have “triggers”.  One of the triggers for me was the fear of death.  Not so much the actual dying maybe but when I began to think about fading away at the hospital and leaving my family behind and my babies with no mother, that’s a trigger for me.  Another thing you can do is to focus on good things and that everything is OK and not the horrible fear that you cannot breathe at the moment.  Sounds hard, right?  It IS!  But I prefer to not use a pill to help me deal with this.  It’s part of the grieving process for me and I guess I need to, well, process through it.  For me, having my husband nearby and telling him that’s what I’m experiencing so he could support me through it helped.  He would hold me and tell me I would be alright.  Just his reassurance and knowing I am not facing this alone has helped me to calm down.  Something else that helps me to get through these without medication is, for whatever reason, they generally last only 5-10 minutes.  It helps me to know it will be over soon.  And, lastly, I am praying for peace.  I know how easy it is right now to shut Him out, but He is the only true peace.  I have to resist bitterness and learn to accept what happened.  I have to focus on being in His control, taking what He has given me in that moment to get through. He tells us to forget about yesterday and not worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own.  So here I am, straining to REST.

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One Response to “PANIC”

  1. It’s like that saying “Always keep your mind on keeping your mind off me”.


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