Today is Andrew’s due date.
I knew this day would come and I knew it would be hard. The last two weeks have been terribly difficult-knowing I should have been delivering him soon. I’ve tried to carry on with day-to-day life while fighting back tears all day. I think it’s the most difficult in the moments you realize it actually feels like someone is missing in your family, in your home. The face you aren’t kissing, the baby you aren’t holding, the one you aren’t setting a place for at the table. ..
They say the hard times show you what you’re made of. They peel back layers to reveal your true colors.
I can say this-I’m still standing firm in Christ. Though I have been shaken, I have not been moved.
I have not allowed the ugliness of bitterness and anger to grow in my heart.
I have chosen to not be offended by others.
I have embraced surrender.
I have forgiven.
My heart aches daily. But I don’t want to walk away from this pain not having learned and grown from it.
I value my relationships more. I enjoy the living of life more instead of looking for what I can accomplish. Our family has grown closer and stronger. I admire my husband more than I ever thought I could. I’m thankful for all the blessings in my life. I am choosing to thank God for the ways He works in my life-even in the bad things-and even if I don’t always see the fruit yet.
It’s funny how hard times brings out others true colors as well. The people who surround you who have been supportive and show they care. Who have been there in any way they can. The awkward ones are the ones the friendships have drifted apart. And that’s all right.
It’s like roses and fruit trees-when you prune them in the winter, they produce better and more fruit in the spring.
And I am thankful for those God has brought into my life and made me who I am.
I said to my good friend the other day-when you face opposition, where you stand becomes so much clearer. Sometimes, you don’t even know where you stand until the opposition comes.
So I surrender myself to the Potter’s Hands. The refiner’s fire doesn’t burn so badly when I am willing to be more easily shaped and molded. I humbly yield my rights to Him.
Andrew, my sweet baby, I miss you and love you. I wish you were here with me.
But I know the Perfect One holds you.
And it will be all the more sweet when we meet again…