I know my posts have been a bit few and far between these days…
It has been difficult for me to put so much into a few words. And there has been much that is so deep and so personal and raw, that I cannot share it, but for a couple of souls.
I was so grateful to hear from a reader-you know who you are! 🙂 You encouraged me so much and reading your post was like a glance into my own soul.
Yes, life has been a battleground lately. I’m at that place of true forgiveness…and yet, the evil one still brings those feelings up now and again. There are days I feel like I’m back at square one. There are days that I feel like more than a conqueror. Days when I am resting in His perfect peace and nothing will ripple the calm of my soul…
Lately, there have been many days of brokenness. Simply crying out to Him. There have been health issues, surgeries, and obstacles that keep getting in the way of my body healing from both losses. It feels like the storm hasn’t ended. I have felt like the disciples on the boat, in the middle of this terrific storm…wondering why Jesus is sleeping??? My anguish echoes David in Psalms “Attend to my cry; give ear to my prayer which is not from deceitful lips.”
And then I realize He wants me in that place. To understand, for His Glory, that I am desperate and helpless without Him. There are so many walls, so many layers. He is renewing me. It is a time of amazing growth. Just as I have come up for air and feel like I’ve learned and been renewed (new wine cannot be poured into old wine skins), He seems to find it perfect to teach me more-and back under I go. A time for peeling away the old-like an onion whose outer layers need pulled away. I have been growing and learning and deepening my relationship with Him.
It’s been a heart-wrenching time and yet, this time has held such sweetness in it as well…
I know why I am at this place. I am to be in a place where I know it is only God who delivers. I know the Lord hears my cry “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” (Psalm 50:15)
Throughout the Word, I see time after time that there was a period when individuals or nations cried out in desperation. Psalms is full of David’s pleas-asking the Lord if He will not turn His back on him, if He will hear his cry.
And I feel peace because I see that time and again, the Lord did respond. He did deliver. He did heal. He answered. He restored.
“In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him, even to His ears.” (Psalm 18:6)
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.” Psalm 34:15
“I cried to the Lord with my voice and He heard me from His holy hill…O Lord my God, I cried out to You and You healed me.” Psalms 3:4, 30:2
So here I will remain-crying out to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or think.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.”