Heart of Esther

"And who knows but that you have come to this position for such a time as this?" –Esther 4:14

GLORY BABY November 17, 2011

I have no words to write at the moment…at least none you would like to read.  And certainly none that would be inspiring.  I feel as if I’m drowning in tears.  But, here are beautiful lyrics a friend sent to me today…

GLORY BABY WATERMARK  

Glory Baby lyrics
Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby, baby

Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we’re home with you
Until we’re home with you

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you’ll kiss our tears away, when we’re home to stay
We can’t wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Before we do

Sweet little baby, it’s hard to understand it
‘Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we’re stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing

All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just like he said he would

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you’ll kiss our tears away, when we’re home to stay
We can’t wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know
All you’ll ever know

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you’ll kiss our tears away, when we’re home to stay
We can’t wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Yeah, you’ll just have heaven before we do
Before we do

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JILL MCCLOGHRY SPEAKS ON THE LOSS OF HER CHILD November 14, 2011

A few weeks ago I posted a link to “Desert Song” by Hillsong United.  It is a song I’ve listened to for years and it has sustained me through so many seasons.  Little did I know the significance it would play in my life this week.  

After losing our little Andrew, I looked up this song on YouTube.  I knew I needed something encouraging to hold me back from this black hole of despair and grief.  I’ve been so angry at God for allowing my precious baby to die!  Bitterness and anger have threatened to swallow me up.  I want to hate God. My heart screamed at Him…  

Its a long story, but I happened across this interview by Hillsong United regarding the recording of this song that had seen me through so many times before.  I had NEVER seen this interview before!  I know it was the Holy Spirit who led me to see this.  Thank you God for this interview-it gave me hope and put things in perspective for me.  I knew if Jill McCloghry could survive, somehow, I would, too.  Thank you, Jill, for speaking LIFE into my death and hope in my pain.  

Please take a moment to watch this interview:  Desert Song Interview

 

NEXT BREATH November 12, 2011

When I think there are no more tears; I find them.

I’m in a pit of despair and I cannot find reason to crawl out.

I wish there was no air to breath.

I feel the heavy weight of grief upon on my chest-pressing down on me.  It’s nearly impossible for me to inhale.

I want sleep to come-to somehow escape the pain.

But sleep evades me.

My arms scream for a baby I cannot hold!

My womb is as empty as my heart.

I don’t know how to endure.

I don’t know how to take the next breath…

 

BROKEN November 11, 2011

(Click link to view):  Broken by Lifehouse

I have no words to write or speak right now but this song somehow helps me.  I’m stripped.  Undone.  Broken.

 

HELD November 9, 2011

Click to watch:  HELD BY NATALIE GRANT

Lyrics

Two months is too little, they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

 

 

BROKEN HEARTS November 8, 2011

At 18 weeks and 5 days, without warning, we delivered our precious baby too early…with broken hearts, we were able to hold and say goodbye to little baby Andrew…

 

TRAINING CHILDREN EARLY October 31, 2011

These early years (about 1-3 years old) are essential in training our children.  You know the verse in Proverbs:  “Train a child when he is young…”  This is when they learn many boundaries. Let me reassure you from the beginning, training little ones can be exhausting!  Little ones have to be dealt with immediately because they do no remember later that they are being disciplined for what they did hours, even minutes ago. It’s always when you are in the middle of doing something else that they need correcting!  Often, I have even had to put down a nursing baby to correct a toddler!
If you’re exasperated, wait!  While training IS hard work, it is also not as hard as you think. Young children love to please. You see it on their beaming face when everyone claps for them! Praise is an important part of training. Correction, without praise when they get it right, only frustrates a child. And the Bible warns parents to not frustrate your child to anger. “Yea!! You did it!” with a smile and clapping hands and they will love to attempt a reaction such as that again! I have found that with just a couple of days of consistency and you will see results!
Teaching no, of course, comes quite easily as it seems toddlers are never too tired to explore the world around them-even it means exploring one cupboard or drawer at a time by emptying its entire contents out and somehow managing to spread it all over the house in a matter of minutes…always while you’re cleaning up…and especially if you’re expecting company! 🙂

Teaching young children to not throw tantrums or scream and cry for what they want by teaching them instead to ask for it (even if they are too young for words, it’s an opportunity to teach words and also teach them to respond in other ways, such as pointing). They are never too young to learn to respond right! One of my slow talkers could never respond to “Yes, Mommy” she could nod her head.

This age is also the perfect time for teaching little ones to help! My toddlers have always “helped” me put laundry in the machine, or fold it, even put it into their own drawers. When I dust, I often hand one of them a clean cloth and they joyfully polish the furniture alongside me. Teaching them to pick up their own toys along with you and this stage is more time-consuming (especially when you know you can do it yourself in a minutes time!), but all my children could easily manage to put their own toys in a basket (and usually they were cleaning their own rooms) by themselves before they were 3 years old. When they work alongside you, it’s an opportunity to teach them not only to do a job cheerfully and all the way, but also to spend some quality time with mom! Little ones love to help-use this to your advantage! It’s a great way of teaching the teamwork that comes from being in a family. We often say in our family “everyone in a family helps out” and “teamwork” or “many hands make light work”!  I always talk about how much we love to live in a clean house or how it makes so much less work when everyone learns to pick up after themselves.  My older ones still talk about how nice it is to live in a clean house (since they’ve heard it since they were young)!
Teach them to obey in public, as well as at home. I remember several times giving little ones “time outs” in the middle of the grocery store aisle (regardless of the stares or sometimes comments from others). Shopping with children is no small task and I felt they could easily learn to control themselves in a store as well as they knew how to at home. Stores are the hardest for parents because we feel (and are) being watched. Don’t give in just to get them to stop! Yes, its embarrassing but honestly, you’ll have many more embarrassing moments if you don’t train them now to stop!  Trust me!  It’s hard at the moment but its much more pleasant when you know you can take your children anywhere and trust their behavior when you’re there. Church is also an excellent place for them to learn self-control and how to sit quietly when needed, at least for short periods of time. Practice at home first! You can have them practice sitting next to you on the sofa or in your lap. Begin with small time periods, 5 minutes or so, then increase the time little by little.

Training your children to respond to commands such as “no” and “come here.” And please, ladies, no counting! Children should learn to respond to your request, not your threats, “1…2…I mean it!…2 ½…”
I have seen first hand how training early on makes the latter years much easier and more pleasant. When my children were trained and knew what was expected of them, instead of being irritated or tired of constant correction, I found I was able to enjoy them and the unique personalities God gave them so much more!

 

 
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